To me it is unethical, that he would tell me that he is willing to leave his current girlfriend for me because he feels a stronger connection between us. He lies... he says "I love you", before I would even have the chance to process what he had just said. I am left wondering, did he actually say that or was it my imagination. (therefore would he be able to hold me accountable for it) ..... I never understood what he saw in me nor what I saw in him, I question the fact whether I actually loved him. But I feel as though I have.. or at least I did. But it clearly would not stop him from picking up the previous relationship with his former girlfriend. (even though I would be considered his former girlfriend) . I am tired of feeling my emotions run high, then the color of my face drained like a pale sickly being. I know that I was used, clearly, I plan to use this as a motivation to tell myself I deserve better and that there is a better guy out there for me. In my opinion it seems unjust, that I am the person who is ragged on the most, that I am the one with the most heartache in my sorry soul. That all the black souled people are the ones to find their happiness. Why I am I the one who is left to rot in the sun like old road kill. I am nothing to these people who told me they loved me in the past. But I do feel defeated, I feel as though I am unloveable, that I was cursed. I feel insecure around people I consider to be better looking around me especially, boys, men and guys of all ages. It aggrivates me that I would not have the backbone to go up to a guy who I like and profess my feelings for him through an offer of perhaps a movie, or a thrilling event etc. Sadly the only cmpany I have is my pet, my little dog who is always there for regardless of my mood. Despite this all I feel as though my heart belongs to my first love. Even if events and planning did not go accordingly, I find my thoughts always linking back to him. I am uncertain if I love him, or if he even thinks about me. (and if he did would it be negatively?) I do not think I would be confident enough to ask him, but I do not know if I can imagine a future with him. We are complete opposites (i do not think that saying applies "opposites attract").