It is difficult to feel like you are losing someone, even if you know they will still be in your life somehow. It is hard to let go, to let control slip away from your grasp, from the words that flutter from your lips or even the suddle gestures of a hug, kiss or embrace will no longer be given nor received. It would seem as though winter was year round, life would not thrive and death would seem so much closer than before. The darkness remains as the light is dismissed and banished from the barren lands. Like love is gone as if it never existed, like it was imaginary, and nothing more than a distant memory and feeling. We cannot cling from the cliff forever. Eventually we all will fall.
How can it be any different for someone in their younger years versus the age of an adult to be taken more seriously, or have more respect or even understand their feelings better. If I were an adult my life would not haunt me the same way it does today. I would be able to make independent decisions, and not have them vetoed by a "higher authority". I understand my feelings better than most adults could, the only reasons why it seems to adults that teenagers act out is because of the authority that is expected to be given to an elder. I think it is Bull! Why should I have to listen to someone when I know they are incorrect, why can I not have the ability to create my own world, I have every capable ability of doing so. I understand the ladder of life, the unfair treatment and cruel scrutinizing world that judges people based on information from others. They themselves could not walk in that person's shoes and probably could not imagine the inner turmoil they have had in their lives based on the needs of other people and the greed some desires. Teenagers act differently than adults because they do not have a valued opinion nor a voice, they eat, cut, vomit, take hallucinogens, and pleasurable drugs in order to escape the clutches of reality. We are misunderstood, and misinterpreted. It is painstakingly true. Even when it seems everything is smooth sailing your folks or the "authority", have to crap heavily on your decisions. They cackle aloud, hahaha (as if giving themselves a victory high-five) what decisions! As if they were talking to an inanimate object and taking their frustration on a punching bag rather than another human being, especially one from their own loins. We have been reduced to alcoholics, rebellious beings, scar-ers of the skin, soar throats, silenced darkened creatures, and even wearing a masquerade every day and playing the part; with the constant reminder of swallowing your tongue and eating crow (when really all you want is to scream aloud and free yourself). A reduction, a price to pay.... for reliving their mistakes, for being imperfect like Adam and Eve, for not being able to express ourselves and curl into a self inflicted ball of torment by authority.
It compels people too know, or at least to have faith in something that is not tangible, nor could be felt through any of the five senses. It is like a safety blanket for insecurities, rather than sins. Could we be truly the children of Adam and Eve, destined for failure and the constant plead of "forgiveness". Why were we unable to be capable of our own fate, our own origin and or roots of development? If we are from the loins of "his" creation, why are we imperfect for eating a fruit, and plundering into a slight moment of debauchery. It seems to be unfair, as life is; but I am a firm believer of the molding and morphing we are capable of through our own actions and to better our future. We do not necessarily go through the process that may be required of us such as finding the ideal partner, having and or raising a child, owning a pet or even something as simple as creating your own bucket list. I know I have not official thought of my bucket list, nor is it written in scripture. At some point, life will exhaust our spirit, we look forward to something that we are uncertain of, a place which has been thought of as better than any spa or humanly creation. Can it exist, does it exist or is our mind capable of creating such an imaginative after life. Is it a peace of mind that was entirely made up to ease the pain of losing a loved one? Or is it comfort to the blow which we feel regret or guilt for something that was out of our control? In my mind it is a bit of both, people cannot accept death, or ourselves. Life is a course. Death is grief, loss and the unknow. Not a safety net nor ease coping with death.
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